Sexual desire is on a spectrum. There is no “normal” amount of wanting sex or experiencing sexual desire. If how frequently you have come to desire or want sex has changed and this is distressing to you, an investigation into why and how may be helpful. There are a number of factors that can contribute to low sexual desire. – The following is a non-exclusive list of common factors that can impact sexual interest.
- Sexual Boredom • Lack of knowledge about sexual health • Overwork
- Difficulty finding a partner • Fear of sexually transmitted infections (STIs)• Lack of opportunity to have sex • Relationship problems • Crowding in the house • The presence of young children in the house • Taking prescription drugs like Prozac (i.e. SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) • Fear of intimacy or commitment • Lack of interest or involvement in any area of life • Feelings of intimacy and attachment as the primary focus of the relationship, to the exclusion of sexual feelings •Any teaching or faith practice that shames sexuality • Unhappiness • Conflict, power struggles, and criticism in the relationship • Poor health • Avoidance of sex due to phobias • Addiction issues • Lack of trust between partners, especially due to unfaithfulness • Being asexual • Grieving or serious personal loss
Since there are many factors that can result in a lowering of or change in sexual interest it can be helpful to meet with a trained sex therapist. If you are in a committed relationship, dating, married, or partnered, it is best practice to attend therapy together. Sexuality in long-term relationships is both about the self and the other. How the couple works to co-construct sexuality together can have a significant impact on how the relationship moves through low desire. In therapy, you will explore the factors that may be contributing to your experience and learn helpful ways to reframe, challenge, or change what is within your control.
